standing still

29 Sep

It’s been a while since I have written an entry; reasons could be the hustle and bustle of my so-called life, the good and the very horrible not so very pleasant things that come with life. I have learned many lessons at the young ripe age of 24, and I am still learning, still living, and still curious.

I am curious about life and curious about if I am living my life the “right way” but is there a right way to live your life?  Most of my southern girlfriends are married, engaged or in a committed relationship and then there is me…standing solo at the weddings but I WANT it that way.  I want to know that when I am committed to someone who I am 100 percent in love with that person, I want to know that I am ready to share my bed with someone till death or divorce (hope not) do us part and lastly, I want to know that “that” someone is 100 percent in love with me and ready to share their life with me.

So until then, until someone takes my breath away over and over again, until I meet the one who will propose to me hopefully in some romantic way, until I am looking through dozens of bridal magazines I will remain standing solo and still.

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Aside from Lucy: RESOLVE

31 Dec

As 2011 is quickly approaching I recap on the rocky year I have had.  I lost the first real job I have ever had (which was a blessing in disguise), lost my uncle Joe whose birthday was today; he would have been fifty-one years old, I got lost on streets in Charlotte trying to find my way out of the city from going to see the musical WICKED with a wonderful girlfriend however I gained a lot too. I walked the old streets of Charleston and walked the southern beaches.   I bought my first brand new car, bought a blackberry, got back involved in volunteer work, and had a yelling/crying fest with my dad up in LI during the grieving of my lost uncle Joe Malloy.

I took hold of a wonderful opportunity and recorded a demo in Long Island, New York with my wonderful cousin in law meg and her sis Toccara and it was a wonderful learning experience that was celebrated with many margaritas afterwards.

I hope 2011 brings more surprises (only good ones no more death).  I plan on continuing my volunteer work and another resolution is to enjoy the simpler things once again.  For example the laughter that putting a treat in my mom’s dog Gizmo’s Kong (if you do not know what this is you must look it up and get one for your pet) and watching her with all her ten pounds of might try to get the treat out of the toy trap.  Once she succeeds she eats the treat and goes to sleep but she is determined to get the treat out and go about her day.  Or stopping and smelling the roses (or the apple juice which is what my niece Lila says) and realize how blessed I am to have a full house filled with love, motion, and noise.

As 2010 comes to a close and even though this has been the second hard year for me and my family in a long time I am blessed beyond comprehension.  I hope all of you have a wonderful new year.  I hope we all resolve to become better people than the year before because we can always improve ourselves to be the person God called us to be.  In closing I would like to wish my Uncle Joe Malloy a HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I am sure they are celebrating his birthday in the golden kingdom.  Happy New Year!!

 

Aside from Lucy: Upgrades

27 Dec

Upgrades are a great thing.  Upgrading your car, house, wardrobe, hairstyle and your phone are some that come to mind.  Today I upgraded my Palm Smartphone (which sometimes was smarter than me) to a blackberry 3G curve and I think I made a great decision.  After my 100 dollar mail in rebate I really only paid $18 dollars for my phone.  I am enjoying this phone very much and I am still getting used to it and I love challenges so if this phone brings me a challenge I’ll gladly virtually say “bring it on.”

I get bored real easy; I mean I have been known to change my hair color from brunette to blonde or change my hair from straight to curly just like that. In my “current” college history I have changed schools twice and majors three times and as I am going to complete my B.A. in elementary education because children interest and challenge me time and time again I wonder why I like to switch things up so much.

Maybe it’s because I am not boring and I do not like boring people.  I would rather have a pillow fight with my girlfriends rather than going to an opera.  (Now musicals are a different story, I love musicals)!

Usually the people working the Verizon kiosk have “time” to transfer your contacts from your old phone to your new one but today with it being just two days after Christmas, I would have had to wait a long time for all of my past pictures and contacts to be transferred to my new from my old cellular unit.  I politely told the ladies working the kiosk never mind, that I would transfer the contacts by typing them into my new phone from the old one.

Looking at all my old contacts I realized that about half of my contacts are “past tense”, meaning the guy, temporary girlfriend, or short-term acquaintance were all a part of my past self.  I simply keyed in all of those in my contact book who still mean something to me and knowing that I mean something to them is how I made my final decision to keep them or to toss them.

It felt good to leave those contacts that have no present contact with me in the past where they belong.  Just like I have left my old self in the past and as I welcome my new self with open arms who is stronger, more courageous, even more determined and successful then her old self was.

I believe upgrading can be a good thing as long as you upgrade all the right things.  I took three hours at the kiosk today but I know I made the right decision.  I sometimes rush into things, don’ think and just do it but sometimes I take my time and chose wisely.  So whether we are upgrading are car, phone, look, house, house or office or classroom décor remember upgrading is an exciting thing as long as we are ready for the change and our comfortable with the new and our ok with forgetting the old.

Aside from Lucy: Believe in the magic of CHRISTmas

25 Dec

Ah Christmas day!  In a child’s eyes this is the most magical time of the year.  I remember when I was a child I adored this time of year and as a young woman I do…in a different way.  As I sit on my bed staring out my bedroom window starring at the white Christmas God has given us here in Asheville, North Carolina I am reminded of the white Christmases that I had when I was a child in New York.  I didn’t have to pray real hard for snow up in the north but when I moved to NC I found myself asking God each Christmas eve for snow and sometimes there were flurries but most of the Christmases were sunny in the south.  I guess all my years of wishing and hoping for a white Christmas finally came true.

Christmas brings out the child in me; and even with the hustle and the bustle of the holiday season I still find laughter and joy in the simplest of things.  It’s as if a doppelgänger of myself as a little girl is right there next to me telling me “to keep believing in love.”  That little girl in me sometimes disappears but most of the time I find myself still a kid at heart. Right now a mirage of me as a little girl with wavy golden brown hair and a gap between her teeth is sitting right next to me jumping on my bed because that is what the “kid I me” would be doing.  The adult in me is watching the snow fall and drinking a glass of white wine.  So I raise my wine glass to your glass and cheers to this magical season and the wonderful things that come with it.  I also raise a glass to my savior, the true love of my life Jesus because the only reason we celebrate is because of him! Merry CHRISTmas everyone!

Aside from Lucy: Trapped

21 Dec

I hate the feeling of being trapped.  Whether its trapped in your own house due to snow or other inclement weather or the feeling of being trapped in a job you hate or a relationship you loath but are too afraid to get out of it so you stay because you feel “safe.” When I feel trapped I go stir crazy and get a tad bit mean.  It’s not like I am purposely mean but I am always on the go and so when I can’t “go” I pout. I’m not looking for anyone’s sympathy but I hate the feeling of being trapped. If you tell me that I have to stay in one place for an hour I will probably fight you or unless there are a box of chocolate covered cherries and a good collection of books then we might be able to work something out.

I wonder if young Hollywood stars feel that way.  These stars really do not get to be a child who wears two different colored socks and nobody looks if he/she goes out in public with chocolate pudding all over their clothing or face because they are “just being a kid.”  The young starlets are all glammed up and ready for their five minutes of fame but I bet they sometimes feel “trapped”, like a hamster running in a circle on their wheel going nowhere or a wife who feels trapped in her marriage and is afraid to leave because she says she is “sticking it out for her kids.”

I will never marry a man who makes me feel trapped or makes me change who I am. I will continue following my dreams of becoming a country singer and an amazing teacher who rocks.  In a way I feel trapped; even though I am close to being done with my four year degree and took hold of an amazing opportunity to record a demo of two cover songs in a recording studio in NY this past May and I hope to record their again this coming new year. Still aside from only a few of my many accomplishments I feel like I am smothered in this world. There is so much pressure to be “successful” but to me success is being happy.  If I am not happy then I am not successful.  As I am learning to be the women God made me to be I will remind myself even if I only make 20,000 a year or if I make 100,000 a year as long as I am happy then I am successful and that is when you can set the little birdie from its cage free and those chains that held you captive will be broken forever.

Aside from Lucy: “Age is Just a Number Baby”

9 Dec

 

Numbers are important, basic math and sometimes intense math is used in every day life.   However how important are numbers when it comes to dating?  If you know in your heart you found “the one” or sense something so surreal but there is a big age gap do you jump in head first or do you let him go?  I mean you never really had him in the first place so what really are you losing?

There have been many couples who married and are living happily ever after; the only uncommon characteristic is their age.  Take Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher for example: they are fifteen years apart but they seem to be incredibly in love; you can sense their fire for one another and that fire is what I hope to find one day.  Demi Moore looks incredible and Ashton Kutcher still has something incredibly sexy about him.

A book/movie that emphasized my point is a best seller from the Twilight Saga: books “New Moon”; Jacob Black, for those of you who are not Twilight fans is one of the main characters in the book/movie who finds out in “New Moon” that he is a werewolf and is a few years younger than Bella Swan who is head over heels in love with Edward Cullen who is a vampire.  Can’t you just see the love triangle? Jacob and Bella are having a talk about age; Bella can’t seem to understand why Jacob is so strong and buff for only a sixteen year old (this is before Jacob and Bella find out he is a wolf). Quoted from the scene in the movie Bella says to Jacob:

Bella Swan: Whoa, you’re buff. What are you, like 16?
Jacob Black: Age is just a number baby. What are you now, 40?

Twilight Love Triangle

 

The character Jacob Black makes an avid point; does age really matter?  I mean if we take care of ourselves and worship Olay skin crème and do not smoke and drink on occasion and get plenty of rest then do we really look like our true age?  I’ve been told that I do not look like I am 23 years old, more like 19 or 20 years old and I take that as a compliment.  So if I in the future wand up marrying a guy younger than me or older by ten years does it really matter in the end?  Or does my happiness matter more?

 

Who knows who God has in store for me; maybe he has crossed my path or maybe not but if Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher who are FIFTEEN years apart can keep the fire going then should age even be a factor when choosing “the one”?

Aside from Lucy: Worry Warts

6 Dec

 I have always been the type of person who worries about everything. My looks, actions, daily schedule (if I will have enough time to meet my deadlines) and lately I have financial worries. I know that I should focus on today and not tomorrow and one of my mottos is carpe diem or seize the day, but that is a real challenge for me especially with my busy schedule of running, classes, work, side jobs, church, friends, and family and trying to fit some me time in there.

 In the past (and sometimes current day) I look at my priorities as a chores list and not as my life. When it comes to dating I use to worry about things like I’m not good enough for him or maybe I should do my hair a certain way or maybe I should show a little skin. As a girl who has basically always been single her whole life (not complaining) I sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me. I’ve learned  the answer to this question is NOTHING, NADA, or ZIP. The truth of the matter is that I know what I want and the “guy” has to know in his heart that I am what he wants.

I let go of my worry of finding “the one” months ago. That worry is in God’s hands now because he the weight of the world on his shoulders; I simply cannot. As far as worry in general goes; I would rather worry too much than too little; if I need to pick up a few extra shifts to be financially stable so be it! I know that I will not turn into a worry wart, wrinkles might appear, gray hairs might even appear (thank heavens for hair color and Olay anti wrinkle cream) but as a 23 year old single woman I am happy and maybe my worrying for tomorrow means I care too much or I trust in a higher power too little?

Aside from Lucy

2 Dec

Rain is a beautiful thing.  Too much rain can cause havoc.  Not enough rain can cause havoc. There is never such a thing as too much love and once you feel loved you know that  love is an indescribable feeling; love for a baby, love for a partner, or love for a dear friend is something you cannot come close to describing.  I’ve never had a hard time expressing my love for someone; I put my all into my family, church, and friends.  I am considered a very energetic bubbly person who is hard to keep up with.  My thoughts race, my steps are fast pace, and I talk loud and fast but I am me and ME is who I have to offer to this world.

One thing I love is helping people.  My girlfriends have always come to me for advice and I love giving advice to them.  “Your girlfriends are your true soul mates” (Carrie Bradshaw) and I will help my soul sisters in any way I am physically and mentally capable of.  A wonderful godly woman at my church who is a dear friend said to me “you have a way of saying what’s in your heart by using your words.”

God gives us each a gift and I believe my true gift is to help people by using my words (in a good way).  I have always felt people’s pain and I don’t mean the redundant speech of “I’m sorry for your loss and I know what you’re going through” because (if I have not experienced a loss of a parent or sibling, etc then I have no earthly idea what they must be feeling) but I get this deep pain in the pit of my stomach when someone else is hurting.  I might not even know this person well but if I see they are in pain I somehow feel their pain.  What I’m describing is called compassion and we all can feel it if we open up ourselves to others and if we can relieve just a tad bit of their pain then we are HELPING one another!!

30 Nov

My name is Emily Malloy and I am in the process of writing two books and “Lucy’s Entries” are about a young female who writes about her struggles with life, love and death.  Lucy is a fictional character but she is based on real people.  I connected my life story to Lucy and brought her to life in some shape or form.

No longer is my glass half empty

30 Nov

Why is it that whenever you feel close to getting what you want or reaching that unreachable goal that something bad happens? Lucy always has this happen to her and just wanted to see someone else’s tears, listen to someone else’s problems, and feel someone else’s pain…instead of her own.
Lucy felt the need to help others; she vowed to keep her dark past in the past and made a new vow to listen to God’s call and not her own call. So many people have come into Lucy’s life and each person has left her with a gift, not a concrete object but a emotional or spiritual gift that has helped Lucy grow into the strong independent young woman that Lucy is. There has been many dark hours spent crying in the dark, a friend’s lap, or screaming to the top of her lungs until she can’t scream no more. Lucy smiled because finally surrendering 100 percent of her mind, body, and soul to God freed her in some way. No longer would she try to find fulfillment in a guy; Lucy challenges herself to return to the strong independent solo female she once was and a twenty something single female she looks up at the sky and a sense of fulfillment covers her body and she knows that she is being watched over just like she always has. Her heavenly father will not leave her like her earthly one has time and time again.